WHO IS GOVT OF INDIA

Hilarious !   - All my life I have wondered, 'Who is Govt of India (GOI)?'.

In 1978, I was interviewed by the president of India (Sanjeeva Reddy) for the post of an ADC. In my zealous enthusiasm, after a bit of chatting with the Supreme Commander, I asked him with sincere naivety whether he was GOI. He very absentmindedly said 'No'. I was so disappointed that I immediately told him that I do not wish to be his ADC (Air Chief Mulgaonkar skinned me for it).

During my stint at Air HQ, towards the end of my service career, I once asked fellow Rimcolian Air Chief Suri, 'Do you know GOI ?'. Luckily he was in good mood and hence I got away with it.

Whenever I got a chance to go to MOD I went around asking everyone there, 'Are you GOI, do you know where I can find it ?'. To the last man, every one of them denied being GOI or know what it was.

Once I even heard the Prime Minster Narasimha Rao on TV complaining, 'the Govt is yet to formulate policy'. Poor chap, even he didn't know who is GOI.

Finally, the only man I discovered who knew GOI was 'Yashpal', the Desk Officer in the Air Wing of MOD. He often wrote letters to me which began, "I am directed by GOI', but when asked who is GOI, he refused to confide or confess.  

My last act in uniform in 1993, as a lowly member secretary (clerical work) of a high profile 'Empowered Modernisation Committee' was to bring about radical changes to the IAF that would see it through the next 20 yrs. There were literally thousands of things to be done to modernise the AF. One by one all the watertight cases that I meticulously compiled and put up to MOD were returned by Yash Pal saying, 'Turned down by GOI'.

So it became a single handed battle of wits between an unseen and unknown demon called GOI and I.

On the last day in uniform I went to Yashpal with folded hands.

'Yash Pal Ji, as a parting gift on my retirement, can you do something for me ?'

.

I laid before him my last file, a small step towards modernisation, my humble offering to mankind in uniform. In the file was an exceptionally argued case for authorising a 'self inking rubber stamp' as a symbol of modernising IAF. Every officer had one. Unfortunately the ink dried up and one had to spit on it to make it work.

In my low self esteemed opinion at that time, a self inking rubber stamp would have been the ultimate weapon of air war, to stamp the sky with glory.  It would have cost around 20 additional paise per unit, and a total one time expenditure of Rs 12,426 to GOI. There were two sworn and signed affidavits in the file, from the DCAS and CAS which I had personally obtained with great tenacity and fortitude, that the IAF would meet this expense from internal accruals and would not burden on GOI.  For me, it was the last personal battle of 'Longewala', the do or die kind.

Yash Pal offered me cup of tea and a 'Samosa' as an indication of this great concern for the man in uniform. He even spat out the pan in reverence. He sat up and drew his chair closer. He made a herculean effort to read what I had compiled in my file. Turned the pages one by one with serious intent.  Finally he heaved a long audible sigh, opened his draw, took out a self inking rubber stamp and stamped on the note sheet, ''Turned down by GOI'".

Why Yash Pal Ji", I asked with great sadness.

"Oh, Yeh Babudom mein hoga nahin, don't waste your time'. He then put a large pan back in his mouth to discourage any further discussion.

I walked out of the Air HQ for the last time, around 1930 hrs, with inconsolable sorrow, and a kill at sight feeling for the faceless enemy of state, the 'System', GOI, Babudom as Yash Pal said ....whatever.

Ever since then I refer to the 'System' as Babudom, the Kingdom of GOI. They are the most powerful of all in the republic of India, the 'Them' on the national hate list.

The Indian political system had finally found the way to subjugate the military and make them into well heeled dogs, the ones without the ability to bark or bite.

The military had lost the power to even walk outside the HQ to buy a self inking rubber stamp for themselves from the pavement shop without asking the permission of the faceless GOI.

After I retired, my wife finally went back to work for the Govt. Now and then I sleep with GOI.

So, now and then I am not too sure about  'Them' and 'Us', they have quite morphed and merged in my mind.

Now and then I take 'Panga' with my GOI, if she objects and issues Gazette notifications to my regular quota of 180 ml Rum every evening.  But like a soul mate from Babudom, she says, 'bloody man do it only now and then'. 

These days the Babudom is kind and gracious, now and then.😃😂🤣

By Wg Cdr Unni kartha/F/37

 

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